I felt like a doll rejected at production deemed a failure and not much good to join the world. Something could not have been quite right. Why else would I have been the subject of abuse and treated as though I was a mere thing. My answer was on its way...
I was sexually abused by two extended family members, molested by a priest, molested by a family friend and sexually assaulted at knife point by my trusted male friend. I was mentally and emotionally abused by one of my primary care givers. Daily life consisted of emotional, mental and physical pain coupled with crippling flashbacks and disabling hypervigilance. I had an internal critic the size of the sun that consumed me, every moment, at every encounter and with every given experience. It was oppressive and suffocated my very being. I was emotionally damaged, scarred and in deep turmoil.
I spent much of my life pushing people away, pushing love away and relishing in loneliness. After all I didn’t need people I had my pain and relentless internal turmoil for company, which was quite enough. I was aggressive and difficult. A fragile little bird that secretly longed to be loved, accepted and rejoiced. Unfortunately love was not something I understood and therefore could not and did not recognise it when it came along. My marriage was failing and I was failing, at keeping myself afloat. The time had come for me to finally confront the monster that resided within. I was pointed toward the direction of Lifecentre and as an open minded sceptic riddled with fear and nerves I made the call, made an appointment and there began my journey of fruition to butterfly.
Centre that gives Life
How can a person, a centre, or for that matter, anything, in this world possibly take away the pain etched in my memory, my heart and my body. How could it be possible to heal me, short of a lobotomy, the memory will never be erased, so how is this ever going to be possible for me I kept telling myself. I did however promise myself that I would challenge and deal with this ogre within before my 40th birthday. I had set myself a goal. I was exhausted and ready to do all that I could possible, all which required me to rid the pain out of my life once and for all. Possible or not I had to try.
My counsellor was an angel. She helped me to process my pain without having to get too explanatory or explicit. She created a wonderful, warm and comfortable environment, where for the very first time in my life I was able to feel utterly vulnerable and completely safe. Never had I experienced such a liberating feeling, to just exhale and be myself and know that she was there to help me and not judge me. This was most certainly the biggest challenge that I had embarked upon. This, a challenge that took me to the edge of my sanity and to the edge of my rationality. A challenge that I am grateful to have been brave enough to tackle.
Lifecentre’s very holistic philosophy meant that my husband too was offered counselling at the centre as our marriage was ending. The counselling helped my husband to understand me and my behaviour and the reason for our dynamic together. It meant that he also had somebody to talk to because living with me had been very difficult. He realised that he was not the cause of the failing marriage and was supported. The sessions helped my husband and helped us. We now have a very close, open relationship.
I have learned a great deal about myself and I am proud and feel validated in every way. I have no burdens of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; I am equipped with tools that enable me to live a fulfilling life. A life I thought I would never experience, doomed instead to live in what was hell on earth for my eternity. I now smile and laugh, that in itself is a tonic, no longer am I burdened or heavy due to the weight of my torturous despondence.
You too can journey through to fruition to becoming a butterfly with courage, because a better life truly awaits you. If it has helped a frightened sceptic like me, it can help you to heal and celebrate yourself as I now do every day too. I consider this my second life. The first was before Lifecentre and my second is after Lifecentre.
I was wrong to think that anything was so big that it could not be dealt with. It has taken a great deal of effort, courage, understanding and self discovery to emerge a wiser individual capable of living and aspiring. I am a more integrated woman with greater peace. I could only have hoped for peace. Now I have it.
Lifecentre have given me back the true me.
Lifecentre have taught me to be free of the shackles of fear, turmoil and PTSD.
Lifecentre have helped to empower me.
But most important of all, Lifecentre have saved my life.
Words alone cannot express how thankful I am to Lifecentre for playing such an important part in my healing Journey that has helped me to live again. I am forever indebted to The Lifecentre, for their support, kindness and nurturing.