You took the words I said
badly messed up my head
made me believe a lie
that I wanted you
not true.
You used your tricks and games
To bring me guilt and shame
So many years of fears and tears
the trust I had in you
to you I was a free screw
such a friendly guy
just another goddam lie
I'm glad you're not my man
your marriage must be a sham
I'd like to hurt you, kick your face
give you the disgrace
I swore I'd kill you, fill you in
you forced me
trapped me in
did you know I wasn't there
drunken stupor - didn't care
you took my words
as yes
encouraged by my knickerless
leading you on
oh is that so
doesn't silence count as no
I didn't want you
don't you see
that it wasn't really me
watch the signals
feel the fear
saying nothing as you got near
was it you or was it me
from this guilt please set me free
just like when I was small
no-one listened to me at all
and so I just complied you see
made it easier on me
voiceless in the dark
don't scream
keep a secret
please don't tell
little girls will go to hell
so into my adulthood you came
why should I take all the blame
the stupid cycle
seemed just the same
but now I've found my voice my plea
for everyone
to hear me
so no, it's not ok
the thing you did
but it's time for me to rid
of all the rubbish from my head
and say I'm going to start again
I'm not the child
the woman who
you raped and killed
I was not a drunken whore.
Robber bastard much more too
I'm longing to be shot of you
scrubbed and scrubbed
to wash away
the guilt and shame
you brought that day
memories of then and before
locked behind my bedroom door
will it ever
let me be free
free to be the real me?